It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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