i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
