So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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