There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
