So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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