I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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