Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
