Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
