I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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