It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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