I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
