she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
