I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How does it feel to date your dad?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
