i barfeds in our rink
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
