WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
