Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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