Got a toothbrush?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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