so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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