I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
