i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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