someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
