Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
