Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
