I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
