somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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