I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
