Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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