whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
