WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
