I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!