if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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