I wish I could teleport
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW