it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My liver is preforming stress tests.