Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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