Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
