He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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