Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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