Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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