dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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