i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
