Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
