This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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