I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
