The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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