FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
