Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
