i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
