the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
