im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
