My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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