My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
