Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
