I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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