this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
