is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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