I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
