it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
