I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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