Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
