as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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