i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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